Sunday, February 15, 2009

Slumdog Revisited...

paah...I know I must be the zillion-th person to write about this movie, but it still can be added to the list before reaching exhaustion. Watching SM, I wondered what would have happened if some Indian Guy had directed it.. would it have won so many Golden Globes and BAFTAs and the probable OSCARs too? Taking my thought a little more further (read: disaster) i wondered what if Mr. Sooraj Bharjatya had the oppurtunity to make SM... Won't it be tyranny to movies at its best ? So lets hit it folks !!!!

Possibilities Sustained:
  • The title "Slumdog Millionaire" would definitely have to be changed, for heaven's sake !! To match upto Mr. Bharjatya's name-o-pedia, why not "Hum Gali-ke-Kutte Hain kaun, joh Crorepati banane-waale hain..."(phew !!! longest ever, I guess) WOW....the abbreviation would be HG2KHKJCBWH....(Random thought: he could use it as his e-mail password.)
  • Movie opens with an elaborate song sequence of women dressed in vibrant colours welcoming Prem Malik(Jamaal is now Prem) and the host, Prem Kumar, of "Kaun banega SACCHAA Crorepati."
  • We are replacing the cast, of course !! The host is "the long-forgotten" Mohnish Behl, Salman Khan as Prem (trying to look in his 20s and wearing a tight tee) and ofcourse, "yesteryear's sweet dame, today's pouting mame" - Bhagyashree as Latika Devi.( she still looks twenty). SB* had plans to cast Mr. Himalaya (her hus) as Prem's big B Salim, but the stone faced expressions weren't adequate for the over-emotive charactersand scenes involved here... so, Sallu Bhai's big Bhai is now taken by Sonu Sood....yaahhooo, the hyper-ventilating super-fluously righteous man who gets involved with underworld for the betterment of his younger brother's heart ailment.
  • psst psst...Sallu is a heart patient.. So the first scene of playing cricket and running over slums is now changed to a golf course and Audis zipping around to tk young players(read: kids).After all, Sallu is a poor, rich son of a billionaire(Alok Nath, the perenial weeping father). Poor Sallu's richer father has spent all his billions to treat young boy but he does not recover...It will take the true love and care of a girl who is to come by...(We have interludes playing all along)
  • Role 2: Bhagyashree is bhagya-heen coz she is born to a righteous saint in a brothel by chance... So she has to take up the dancing lessons to save her virginity and chastity.. Dancing away waiting for her prince "Prem" charming... Ring ringa ringa ring ringa ringa....Atta girl Latikaa !!!
  • Sonu(Salim), to save his father's cuffs and Sallu's heart, plunges deep into underworld but instead, tries to reform the dons with Geeta pravachans. No avail.
  • By now, Sallu(Prem bhai) is all beefed up and raring to go save Latikaa from the super flexing goons of Kamathipura...but his heart guys, his heart... We suddenly see Alok jee giving a big bhaashan to Prem to make him forget his heart and win back his love..( I am not going into details of how Prem met Latikaa....they were boating and Latikaa was singing and dancing in the boat...Rest is..ahem..)
  • Prem fights goons with help of brother Salim... and saves Latikaa... Salim gets shot while jumping ahead of Prem to save him from a bullet which would have pierced his already hollow heart..(yuck yuck.. bad timing) Salim....booo-----hoooo.....dies !!!!!!!!!!! Big song sequence showing flashback of lil brothers in chaddi till date...(Were those pink chaddis?)
  • Prem has surgery, but no money. What next? "Kaun Banega SACHCHAA Crorepati !!" Latika does a dare-devilry dance in temple of Maa Kaali while Prem plays till end..(by then, tomato sauce..oops..blood flows out from his nose, mouth, ears due to aaaargh...pain, guys !!) Prem Kumar, the host, lifts up pining Prem off the floor to make him answer the last question... and Janta ka vote makes him win !!!! 1 Crore !!!! Yippeeee, all blood dissapears (i think he licked up the sauce) and Prem stands triumphant when Latikaa comes running strainght from the finale performance to hug him...Alok jee's ashirwaad with Ganga-baho tears....
  • We have the closing song playing..."Yeh Bandhan toh...pyaar ka bandhan hai...." (courtesy: Karan Arjun)
JAI BOL !!!!!

P.S: Last heard, Bharjatya had questioned OSCARS for their sense of cinema...