Friday, November 28, 2008
It doesnt hit you always, the patriotism-feel, does it? And when it hits, it does hard. Very hard. Traumatising, Saddening and Unforgettable images etch in mind reminding you of your nation, of who you are to this soil.
Sitting in the rickshaw today, my thoughts were streaming one after the another.....
"What if this rick gets blown up now?
Will I live to see my love once more and tell him that the petty fights or arguments don't matter, but our life together does and he is the best guy I have ever known in my world.
Will I be able to hug my family and let them know that no matter how much they haul abuses at me for not being caring enough towards them, I still love them the most.
Will I hear the voice of every friend of mine ever again to crack a joke at their expense as always and apologise sheepishly saying I love them a lot.
More importantly, will I live enough to pay the fare of this ride and walk into my office, greeting my ever smiling watchman...."
"Madam, pahunch gaye....Saatth (60) rupaye...Chutta do..mere pass nahii hai"
I literally wanted to hug the auto-wallah..(He could have fainted, if I did..poor chap) Thanked him lot many times, and went on, "Bhaiyya, desh humaara hai. Kissi aur ko itni jaldi thodne nahii denge." Confused soul. He smiled back, "Darr humein bhi hai madam, par zindagi kahan rukne waali hai...Aur mumbai toh apna jagah hai. Aaaj kuch khoye, kal saath rahein toh waapas paa bhi lenge"
True Indian..True Mumbaikar.. Jai Hind!!
May all souls rest in peace who are victimised in the blood-shed on 27/11/2008 and following. Amen.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I yearn to break free, to break-out in rains, lest those pearls get stolen by piercing eyes,
Its the inner breath, raring to lead its way out, when will you let me, O' ruthless world?
I do not want to be loved, do not want to be cared for, not to be thought of,
Let me break away, break-out for once..
Shy lights, stare down on me, sneering endlessly, mocking me, leaving me to die,
Its unbearable, ah! the pain so deep. Can't get over it, don't want to come out of it, maybe?
Words cease to come, Music stops at a note, I look up, sneers continue,
My heart doesn't speak anymore, neither cry, nor smile, does it?
Let me out, Let me free. Its what it appears, letters on fire.
The difference hurts your eyes, but the pain, I can stand no more.
I do not want to be loved, do not want to be cared for, not to be thought of,
Let me break away, break-out for once..
Monday, November 17, 2008
Strange, as I got my hands on both together..The first on self-spent money (came cheap) and the second, flew into my hands (was expensive!).
Adiga, a man of nerves, I would say...Though he starts off as my most non-cherished writer, CB*, he makes it a worth-while read for amateurs,A booker sweep. (Last I heard, Rushdie was flushing himself down somewhere..."What the heck man, I though only complicated ones win Booker. They werent supposed to be understood!!" Hee haww...thanks Mr. Rushdie for the joke at ur expense!)
Not quarter as sophisticated as his predecessors, Adiga really hits the note with simple and dark writing. Lame and rudimentary at places, he still manages to keep the reader half-hooked to his Tiger.(Note: My other half was hooked to my roomie L*'s love-letter/break-up letter/scare letter/apology letter to her family-loving mate, P*.)
Adiga didnt leave me gasping for more, like L*'s letter did, thanks to her amazing word power ! Words that flow out from a Chopra's scriptwriter's hand for a "Mujhse Dosti Karoge" was completely all over her 6-paged saga..
"I dream of us being together for years, celebrating all our birthdays and anniversaries together, me waking up early morning at 6 (she was precise about the time, she still wakes up at 6.Practicing hard.)making tea for you, my daddy, your daddy, my mummy, your mummy.(I wonder why did she not include their dog Snuffy too...forethought!)" and blah-blah-blah-blah...till in evening, "I will wait by the dinner table trying to avoid sleep waiting for u to come back from office.." Phew ! are my girl-friends listening? Time to accept that Saas-Bahu epics are working their ways hard into minds of young, savvy, nymphets too...
And the five pages went on with lil-wil mushy-pushy dreams...until the last.That was my eye-pop-opener dahlings (this bloody word is thanks to Bombay Times)!!!
"I dreamt of all this endlessly, until I realised that u r finding me unlucky for u, and hence I think I wan2 break up...coz I cannot be unlucky for u...I always wanted to be lucky..I respect ur family, but u think I hate them..I dont really mind u spending money on them, but then, u think otherwise...dont think its going places.. Bye P*,,,urs forever, loved u a lot, L*..."
the page put the former pages in past-tense, i realised later...things are falling into place now...Why L* happily holds hands with her new mate Y* and trolls off every evening till late... but then, P* was just few weeks ago.......Never mind, Adiga, Ur White Tiger Rocks man !! It kept me sane through to this morning atleast !
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
It was quite expected at our land-lord's end to hike our rent for the next lease period, coz he always felt under-played when it came to the art of gamble of rent. (Wow, I never thought I could make up that !) So, he gave us the bad news, quite early this month. And that gave me just another reason to move out and live on my own. (Its on my never-ending wishlist, to live alone and watch scary movies all through night, mind it..Vampires are the only ones you can depend on if you wanna save yourselves from the country's politicians, he-he)
The house-hunt began...Wham !! (ding-dong) Searching a studio room apartment in India, more precisely, Mumbai, is next to impossible. Yet, given the kind I am (read: insane), I set out on it. And the first week itself, I managed to get a standing offer, without a broker(sort of a miracle)!
This lil 1 room apartment, (252 sq.ft, the owner was very precise about the area, I guess he couldn't reduce it further) situated in a plush suburb, on its most happening street, was the most sidey flat I had ever seen in my life. Nothing inside the house was intact. Broken windows, broken panes, broken plaster, broken door (not the main door, thank Jesus!). And he had the nerve to ask for a handsome rent too for this state-of-art mishap. Can't believe that some day, someone is going to pay that amount and live in that rat-hole with no other go.
What fascinated (or rather, nerved) me were the neighbours. A bunch of Bihari boys (all looked the same to me), a chattisgarh couple and a goanese bachelor. Mighty lucky, that I got to see all of them on the same day..(TGIH) When I asked the owner if it would be safe to come in at night, being a single woman, his reply: "Ofcourse, these boys will never bother you if your door is closed !!" Beat that reply... He he...cant stop smiling now thinking what a blunder it would have been if I had taken the offer listening to my once-a-while possible crazy instincts.
And the house-hunt goes on...
P.S: If you have had the patience to read all this, then just don't sit smiling idle. Help me out in finding a good place !! Do what you can..Its a request, not an order.
(I have read that requests work better than orders :D )
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
"Arey Yaar !!! ......Lagaa de na na gaane...Is room ka yahii toh faayeda hai"
I could not exactly map the sanity of working inside a conference room with four other guys who do anything to steal a glimpse of whats-in-your-handbag.(Sorry Ss*,T*,S* and M*, if you r reading this, i mean no offence, just kidding :)) )
But as soon as music and tea started flowing,(courtesy:Mr. Ss*'s jeans was having its share of tea than himself), things started to lighten up, and before I knew, I was actually sharing a laugh or two with these funny men. With Ss having song tastes like Rudaali, Maachis, Rothlu(i made it up), etc..etc...from mourning to Bryan singing "69..." with chorus (read:us, of course), i re-discovered the fun I have with music around me.
And the best part is, my manager is happy with my work (I think he is forced to feel so, coz he is getting no one better to work for him, so being satisfied with the worst he has :D How modest!!)
Yaayeeee.....I like this new place, kinda adjusting faster than expected...Gona really miss what I have here in the outside world of cubicles. Thank U co-conference-deskmates and S*'s lappy!!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Every morning, I stand by my terrace,
eyeing her wake up in her bright lil room of flowery colours.
How could she not know I am watching her,
trailing her every morning and night, wistfully for her glance.
She hops, skips, so chirpy, fills my day with hue,
Everyday, so lively, making every moment I see new.
Here I was, an ageing soul trapped in twenties,
whining for care, love and youth, which I had, but Alas, I lost.
She was the only hope I ever saw in front,
and when I turned, nothing but her.
Every morning, I see her ride away, to my dismay,
as if she is torn apart from me.
Why does she have to go so far? Cant she be near always?
I count every moment till I return, ticking my moments away,
to wait for her to return, and see her again.
How could she not know I am awaiting her,
Waiting to grab her away if I could from the world,
caress her in my arms, brush her gentle hair,
kiss her tenderly, make love while Nox does not rest.
I yearn for her touch, for her loving look to me,
But I know she never may, she never would be able to see.
My love continues in the dark,
the moments which are only mine, mine to whisper and wilt,
She will always remain my unconquered dream,
A dream to love and lust forever.
Alas, what more will a woman next-door mean to her,
A single, successful, virtually engaged woman of refinement.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
"Hey....U free this evening? No??ummm...aaan...oookkaayy...But I reallly wanted to go for it. (soft grunt) Never mind. Some other time. Lets surely catch it up by next week." Companionship, man's curse in disguise (puns intended) hits hard at every turn. And planning out a petty time-off gets so difficult with a couple of people more added into the plan. My simple funda: Never wait for anybody to accompany you to movies. Watch them whenever you want, preferably turns out to be alone.
Now thats quite surprising to a lot of my friends, difficult to assess why. I love watching movies and the general reactions of the audience, rather than gossiping with my next-seat neighbour through it. As for the Popcorn and Pepsi, no...sorry, not really fond of it, so don't need to strategise to control spending over it.
Movies can really be enjoyed alone, unless it turns out to be a totally nasty and unbearable saga. Now, that too, with somebody else, has both up-side and flip-side.
Up-side: You get to curse and beat up that fellow to no end if it was his/her suggestion.
Flip-side: He gets to do the action !! :))
My choice of movies vary, because I am a total movie-buff. If I have watched Dark Knight on first day, then I have also ordered and made the Cinemax people to screen a show of "Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag" for me and my privileged set of friends(yes, you read it right! there r more nuts like me on this earth.) So now, rather than waiting for a person to accompany me and eventually start cursing the poor fellow, just because he/she could not, i get on the expedition myself. And you know what, quite a lot of interesting reasons to do so as well:
1. U always manage to get a top-row seat even if its House-full. (trust me on that...the seating architect at every multiplex has somehow provided odd number of seats, to always accomodate one singleton at last moment :D)
2. U have all your freedom to shout, hoot, whistle or scream when you feel like. There is nobody u care for to stop u then...(That seems like a nasty one, but then, its fun !!)
3. U can ogle at all the good-looking hunks/babes for how much time ever u want. Its their partner's (if any) worry, not yours. Just make sure u r ready to deal if they happen to confront u (thts ur call).
Ahmmm....I think I am exceeding too much on the positive sides. Well, the fact is, its not actually loner to go alone to movies (hey! that doesn't mean you chuck a date to go alone!), but its fun and kinda introspection-time to figure out what a bad taste of movies you have and why others run, when you ask them out! :D
Blogging goes slower for a day as I finally have my
own copy of Joseph Heller's historical satire...
Happy Reading to me !!
Hit the clinic today for an eye check-up. Thank God for bringing in all these ISO Certifications, coz hospital scenarios have improved tremendously in India !! Dressed like a failing pop-star (read: in white), I braved my way through the crowd waiting for their ocular mending. Was lucky enough to get a quick appointment with the doctor with whose conversation,some part I would like to share:
Doc: So U complain of itching and watering?? (Psst...psst...sounded more like I had some strange boils bursting all over mu body..)
Me: In eyes..
Doc: Ahh..yes, of course..What do you do?
Me: nothing !!! (pah...my dumb mind) they just start irritating me when I wake aa..
Doc: (cutting my words) They r ur eyes...How can u accuse them of irritating U?
(By Now, I was sure that the Doc had a really pathetic breakfast or row with wife in morning today, that he is leaving no stone unturned to irritate his patients even more.)
Me:(displaying more patience) Yes Doctor..But I cant really get along the whole day well if the morning starts such.
Doc: (testing my eyes) hmmmm....lets see...What do u work as?
Me: Software Engiii.....
Doc: (again cutting my words) There lies the problem, my lady! Ur job is the culprit !! Leave it....and U shall not suffer anymore !!
(While the Doctor was dancing around like an Oracle having just delivered a prophecy, I couldn't believe my ears on what he was saying.)
Me: Doc, U dont understand...its my profession. Don't know what will I do without it.
Doc: What will you do without your eyes lady? Blindly, bang on your computer? Tell me tell me tell me....
(I realised at this precise moment that the Doc had no particular liking towards people of my race, the I.T. race. So it was time now to race out of his room before he would pull out my eyes for their safety.)
Me: Give me medicines Doc. I promise to use them without fail and take frequent breaks while at work. (Now thats something nobody ever needs to tell me to :D )
Doc: I shall do that...Its my job. But I see one more young girl falling prey to vision blurs for not heeding my words.It wouuuu...
Me: (cutting his words, surprise!) Doc, please...Lemme go..I got to get back to work..And its far. Will come back to u if problem persists.
He didnt say a word more..Got my state, I guess.Prescription given, I am out.
Out wondering, what good am I doing to myself with this profession? Ironically, losing my vision not to see the crisis that world is plunging into, day after day. But it really isn't worth it, is it?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Puts you in a frenzy of thoughts about yourself. What is being Open and Bold ? As a person? More, as a woman? Deeper, as myself? Thought a lot over it. While for a moment, I felt one example would be my openness to discuss one's sexuality and sexual preferences without hesitation, it felt too irrational a moment later, rather it seemed like my try to get a good position in the metrosexual era.
A more diplomatic side would be as explaining personal perception to all aspects of life, be it the extreme or subdued phase. The openness comes in clearly putting out your ideas to the person listening to you, and listening to them effectively vice-versa. The boldness comes in the revelation of your ideas unbatedly, no matter how cynical it might sound.We all, defer to be open and bold always, especially as a woman (Indian society demands it, I can say that without being a feminist.)When I try to be open on sensitive issues, it can be misunderstood as my lack of knowledge about the sensitivity, or as the immature thought-process of a nubile mind who eventually, stops thinking before talking. Being insensitive doesn't help either.
But in reality, is it restricted only to sensitiveness? My answer would be no. In fact, every person's, and more being a woman, every word is under scrutiny. The words that you speak or write about anything, hand-picked or flowing out, everything.
The thoughts never thought of, the words never spoken, they all fall back on you eventually, while you plead innocence with an argument of being "Open and Bold".
poem By Wallace Bruce:
Proud swaying pendant of a crystal chain,
On fair Columbia's rich and bounteous breast,
With beaded lakes that necklace-like retain
Heaven's stainless blue with golden sunlight blest!
What other land can boast a gem so bright!
With colors born of sun and driven spray -
A brooch of glory, amulet of might,
Where all the irised beauties softly stray.
Ay, more - God's living voice, Niagara, thou!
Proclaiming wide the anthem of the free;
The starry sky the crown upon thy brow,
Thy ceaseless chant a song of Liberty.
But this thy birthright,
this thy sweetest dower,Yon arching rainbow -
Love still spanning Power.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
My colleague urges me to do YES+ persistently. He finally succeeded in inducing a certain amount of inquisitiveness in my forever scurrying mind about this Art of Living (you guessed it right, its that kinda ! Dont be surprised I am going for it !!) course. And here I put what I read about it on their official site. (Please go search on net if you want more details, I dont have time to do depth research )
"The Youth Empowerment Seminar Plus (YES!+) is an intensive programme that offers tools for young people to learn how to navigate through life’s challenges. This innovative and dynamic educational and life skills programme provides young students and professionals the tools to achieve their ideal life with ease.
The growing demands placed on an individual to be successful in our fast-paced, stressful society make it even more necessary for college students to acquire the tools to take responsible life decisions with confidence and clarity, more joy and enthusiasm. Under stress and pressure, the mind often vacillates between regretting the past and worrying about the future and this results in lower performance, lack of concentration, decreased efficiency and more interpersonal conflicts. The YES!+ course empowers students to become more centred and focused.
What Do I Get?
- Learn to relax and meditate
- Deal with doubts
- Increase focus and concentration
- Fitness and health
- Break monotony
- Find a deeper meaning to life "
Wait a sec. Do I need all this? Yes, I do, !!!! Actually, atleast some of them. But being anti- Shri Shri jee.....funny hurting own pride going for his course. Course....hmmmm....I guess I still have time to think. Art of Living, gotta do some pro-research on that :))
Not at all !!! Any readable, censored, decent, U/A (jus kiddin!) stuff will still have its preference here ! Blog always remains one of my favourite relaxation points.. And for some others, an added advantage to pull my leg for all the stupidity I pour in here...
(This is a note of thanks to the blog space for bearing my thoughts.)
the acceptance of a new beginning and end of past,
I realised his presence in me, the non-perishing stills engraved deep in my heart,
he was me, I were him, two bodies, one soul, and a heart beating.
Why the drift when we stand frozen? Why the dryness when we are flowing?
Why the pain when soothing all around? Why the cold when warmth spreads?
Let me just drown back into the night, sans rays, sans brightness, sans anything, into him...and bliss....
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Last night, when I was off to sleep, little did I imagine whats gona happen next.. The last moments of light ticking away for the night, I-pod plugged in my ears, Bryan singing 18 till I die!!, me fondly remembering the goof-ups my boyfriend did or does (more appropriate), sleep beckoning me, "Come Sni....come.....lose yourself in mee......"...ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz...
Dinggggggggggg !!!! Its morning Snigdha! and the day starts worser than ever...The Milk waala forgot to give milk (mental note: it happens quite often, i gotta reprimand that fellow!), The bai didnt turn up..(just another mental note, sigh!), The dustbin waala forgets just our garbage (maybe he found it too stinky to add to his bin too, thanks to my oh-so-clean roommates!), and the best is yet to come, there is no power in house !!
I fortunately, (or rather unfortunately) remember at the very same moment of awakening that I have a low cell phone charge,my i-pod's charge is gone (the saddest) my clothes aren't pressed, the shower geysor isnt gonna work, and the water filter is dead. What a great beginning....
Somehow, I overcome all these hurdles (read as: no shower and crumpled clothes) to run out of the house..just to topple over the unpicked packet of garbage...Well, u gotta remember, the day started too perfect, U see. I slam the door hard to realise a bit late that I am still wearing my indoor slippers without my house key in hand..and ofcourse, I am the last one to step out.
Behold folks at office, here comes Snigdha, in the most stylish crumpled AnnaBelle and bathroom slippers. To my dismay, I found that I have a meeting with the clients arranged afternoon, which was, U guessed it right, a video conference. I come back to my desk in distress, and sit to jang-bang the keyboard as usual when hey....there is a mail from my ol buddy...Was so happy....Didnt even wait to see whats the subject, just opened it. And my luck plays again, this time in the form of two tennagers humping each other in the wildest manner possible, nd ofcourse, with the loudest screams.. Realisation dawned upon me after two seconds, when the whole floor turned around to look..And ofcourse, if I forgot to mention, I sit between two Managers (thats the seat my client gave me). They had their good share of glance, before I could close the window, and most sheepishly, apologising profusely for the insane mail. (I felt like strangulating the &%*&^*%% of a friend for doing that to me !!) Hold on, it isnt over yet...The admin guy pulls me aside to let me know that I introduced a very privileged Trojan into the network through some application running on my system, due to which, it has to be formatted and quarantined..the rest of the day was sans a system, easy to guess, huh?
It never seemed to end without disasters, and I returned after a heavy duty, tasking (mentally, physically and emotionally) time to home, rotten home. To just see that there is still no water and no power. Let me just bury myself in the bed, when my roommate comes screaming.. "There is a big Rat in the kitchen, and it seems to be sitting on the food box, cant make it out well in the daaaaaaaaaark....." her voice trailed away...Oh no, not again...Please please....Not again... Just pulled my sheet over and closed my eyes wearily.....
Dinnnggggggggggg !!!! Its really morning Snigdha......
Lust, Anger, Valour, Deceit and Sorrow.... "Maya Raavan" essentially means all these according to the BrahmaKumaris. It is indeed a pleasure that on very similar lines, a sensational epic ballet - 'Maya Ravan' was conceived, interpreted and choreographed by Internationally acclaimed actress & danseuse Shobana. Maya Ravan re-narrates Ramayana through the eyes of the legendary king Ravana (played by Shobhana herself.)
A very imaginative piece, I should say. The charming romance which Ravana exudes to lure SIta to him is breath-takingly portrayed in this musical. Ravana, the legendary emperor, was widely acclaimed for, the foremost being his knowledge of the sacred books, medicines and sorcery and Music. All his talents are unfolded in this musical extravaganza, and narrated more beautifully than ever could be imagined.
Ravana was a greater scholar of the Vedas also. Not many people know that the true meaning why Ravana had 10 heads. The heads are the symbolic way to show the world about his knowledge. He was fully aware of the contents of the six shastras. His knowledge of the six shastras and his knowledge of the four vedas (together ten) is the inner meaning of the belief that Ravana had ten heads. He even knew that Rama was Narayana himself, who had come in human form.
A must watch, I say.. Who in world could ever imagine the most infamous king of Indian legends otherwise?
(with excerpts from Wiki and Shobhana's official site: www.shobhana.in)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Caught it lying on my room-mate's forever scruffy bed-cum-table-cum-(place to bang down your arse as soon as u enter totally exhausted into our teeny-weeny 2 BHK).. Wow !!! Mr. Chetan Bhagat musters up courage to write yet another mega melodramatic thriller after the disastrous call centre book. I absolutely adore this man who left a plush job in Southeast Asia after graduating from IIM-A (sigh....its just a dream for many) to finally write a script for behold ! its Bollywood beckoning again !!!!
The Call Centre thing was itself nauseatic..I wondered why the life of call-centre beings was restricted to food, sex and wine in a nutshell in his "transformation". Well, could almost confirm my thoughts with his latest book....Govind, the protagonist, promises the book to be sans any thrill or sex as a prologue, but, u have it,,,extravagantly defined as sins in the very few last chapters..
I do not understand what Mr. Bhagat is aiming at..capturing the shy indian minds by epitomising pre-marital sex as sin again and again (give up dude !)...or enduring his regular readers and some filmmakers to churn out yet another Bollywood Masala...Mr. Bhagat, You have a real good future with writing as you can write simple lucid translations without emphasizing on minute details to go ahead and capture readers..But please come out of this melodrama "Indianised-over-the-top" workaholic-ness..We have a melodrama Queen already on television, don't need a melodrama writer/scriptwriter too..And that too, a super-scholar (under-estimated)!!